Sarcasm Quotes

I also don't turn into a bat or sparkle in the sun. Hollywood's portrayal of vampires is almost as accurate as its portrayal of prostitution in Pretty Woman.

~ Kerry Allen

Cordelia glared at me. 'I expect if someone strapped you to table an swung an axe over your naked quivering flesh like The Pit and the Pendulum, you'd be correcting his grammar'.

~ Victoria Clayton

Going to the gym at this odd hour didn't 'work out' for me.

~ Abheek Kakkar

Resilience, thy name is Devine.

~ Lori Lansens

I get my share of mud flung my way, but the secret is to dance in the rain and the mud will wash away.

~ Philip Catshill

Life has a whimsical way of kicking you in the throat. I find it tobe one huge cosmic joke at our expense, only nobody is laughingbut the forces that be—given that they are even a wee bit human.

~ Lori Goldson

I suppose that I found out two more constituents of the eternal engine: folly and curiosity.

~ Alexander Zalan

That's one way we differ, Jaime and I. He's taller as well, you may have noticed.

~ George R.r. Martin

My other hand?' Lopen said. 'The one that was cut off long ago, eaten by a fearsome beast? It is making a rude gesture toward you right now. I thought you would want to know, so you can prepare to be insulted.

~ Brandon Sanderson

Well, OK then. He narrowed his eyes. How about you? Do you have any...romances I should know about?Nope. Not one.Well, good. Excellent. There'll be plenty of time for boys when you leave college and become a nun.She smiled. I'm glad you have such ambitious dreams for me.

~ Derek Landy

Normally ghosts didn't scare him. (Assuming, of course, Gaea hadn't encased them in shells of stone and turned them into killing machines. That had been a new one for him.)

~ Rick Riordan

My whole day has been a unicorn ride through a field of rainbows

~ Natalie D. Richards

America: It's a free country, that is if you can afford it.

~ Rythmic Karma

Oh I'd be more than happy to hold, I'll just spend the time working on that brain tumor.

~ David C. Holley

One of the things Ford Prefect had always found hardest to understand about humans was their habit of continually stating and repeating the very very obvious, as in It's a nice day, or You're very tall, or Oh dear you seem to have fallen down a thirty-foot well, are you alright? At first Ford had formed a theory to account for this strange behaviour. If human beings don't keep exercising their lips, he thought, their mouths probably seize up. After a few months' consideration and observation he abandoned this theory in favour of a new one. If they don't keep on exercising their lips, he thought, their brains start working. After a while he abandoned this one as well as being obstructively cynical.

~ Douglas Adams

Mary,' said her mother. 'We don't like sarcasm ' 'You mightn't like it,' said Mary. 'But I love it.

~ Roddy Doyle

Thank you so much for the rude know-it-all attitude while also having to look at your ridiculously colored hair and obnoxious facial and chest piercings. I am very fortunate to have just been schooled by someone who looks like they graduated from Care Bear Carnage University.

~ Heather Chapple

Yeah, over my scattered panties, I asked him to dinner and told him to bring a friend.” - Laney

~ Joann I. Martin Sowles

He was the hardest person to figure out I had ever met, which was saying something. I knew girls, after all....

~ Chris O'guinn

Sarcasm is the language of people whose emotions are dying.

~ Barry Webster

Because seeing someone’s heart ripped out, presumably for the first time, is something a person should accept naturally, like finding out there’s no Santa Clause.

~ Katrina Monroe

That's Doctor Smart-ass. I didn't spend eight years in insult college to be called Mister.

~ Jim Butcher

With a sense of humor like that, you could make a living as a garbage man anywhere in the country.

~ Jim Butcher

Look at what you've done,' Sanguine said, shaking his head with mock severity. 'You have foiled out insidious little plot. You have emerged triumphant and victorious. Curse you, do-gooders. Curse you.

~ Derek Landy

If you are reading this, I'm dead. Don't celebrate too much. Jesus is watching.

~ Katie Graykowski

worms have crawled up your nose and eaten your wits.

~ George R.r. Martin

I once saw you in a tuxedo and all I wanted to do is eat.

~ Pushpa Rana

In fact,' said Poirot, 'she stabbed him in the dark, not realising that he was dead already, but somehow deduced that he had a watch in his pyjama pocket, took it out, put back the hands blindly and gave it the requisite dent.

~ Agatha Christie

I swear to God, if GreatReads doesn't stop sending me these notification emails...how many times do I have to turn them off?

~ Melanie Marchande

I have to crack a nut in order to enjoy it.

~ Donna Lynn Hope

I don’t know what you’re talking about, but any organization that claims you for a member doesn’t get to call itself sinister, whether you’re left-handed or not. I would be insulted to be offered membership in such a namby-pamby organization. It would be like the Archbishop of Canterbury calling a select club of his compatriots ‘Bad, Bad Bishops’.”Marshall sniggered.“Watch out for the clergy,” Edward said. “They’re absolutely wild. Sometimes they have an extra biscuit at tea.

~ Courtney Milan

Wouldn’t you like to know,” I smiled. “I travel. Shit happens.

~ Alyse M. Gardner

Are you really left-handed?” Mr. Marshall asked.“No. I’ve just been pretending to use my left hand my entire life because I enjoy never being able to work scissors properly.

~ Hafiz

Goody. That must be why they were looking for a 22-caliber anything when they came by with their search warrant this morning.''They didn't!''They did.''When?''Oddly enough, right before I upped my meds.

~ Sandra Balzo

This was met with a long pause. “Are you really left-handed?” Mr. Marshall asked.“No. I’ve just been pretending to use my left hand my entire life because I enjoy never being able to work scissors properly.

~ Courtney Milan

He felt that such a life in which one could display such sarcasm and wit was after all to a certain degree worth living.

~ Richmal Compton

Whatever doesn't kill them, makes them make reality TV shows...

~ Glen Duncan

Note to self: Caymen is very good at sarcasm.”“If you’re recording notes for an official record, I’d like the word ‘very’ stricken and replaced with ‘exceptionally.

~ Kasie West

Yes, I was standing on nothing but congealed starlight. Yes, I was walking up through a savage storm, the wind threatening to tear me off and throw me into the freezing waters of Lake Michigan far below. Yes, I was using a legendary and enchanted means of travel to transcend the border between one dimension and the next, and on my way to an epic struggle between ancient and elemental forces.But all i could think to say, between panting breaths, was, Yeah. Sure. They couldn't possibly have made this an escalator.

~ Jim Butcher

I realize you're planning on fighting all the dragons single-handedly-I'm going to protect you from John, dammit. Show him that he can't fucking mess with you. This is about territory.Tom narrowed his eyes. Are you going to piss a circle around me too?If that's what it takes.

~ S.e. Jakes