Witty Quotes

I chase goals, not girls.

~ Amit Kalantri

The literal meaning of life is whatever you're doing that prevents you from killing yourself.

~ Albert Camus

Remember, people who peek through keyholes have to expect an occasional poke in the eye.

~ Gary K. Wolf

When someone gives you advice, just ask them to give it in writing and they will either keep mum or will run from there.

~ Amit Kalantri

Sometimes advises from others are more difficult to bear with than even slang.

~ Amit Kalantri

Dead yet? Gus answered.I smirked. Not yet, but the night's still young.Here's hoping.

~ Jessica Shirvington

Well I'm not going to hope that you get hurt, but if you do, remember that you're my damsel in distress, and no one is allowed to carry you.I don't remember signing a contract.All the more reason to promise me now.What if you're not around when I get hurt?Send word, I`ll come running.How big an injury does it have to be? Because sometimes I do this thing when I stand up too quickly and my ankle kind of twists a little---Sounds serious. You don't want to put any weight on that. I`d better carry you the next time that happens.What if I skin my knee?I`ll carry you.Charley horse?I`ll carry you.Chipped toenail?Not worth taking a risk. I`ll carry you.

~ Claire Lazebnik

Which just goes to show, I guess, that dinner parties are like everything else - not as fragile as we think they are.

~ Julie Powell

(About a cookbook...)- What about this one? Maids of Honor?- Weeelll, they starts OUT as Maids of Honor...but they ends up Tarts.

~ Terry Pratchett

The humorous story is American, the comic story is English, the witty story is French.

~ Mark Twain

I may just be on the outskirts of being okay.

~ Pawan Mishra

Is that the biggest favor your vocal cords have done to anyone this week?

~ Pawan Mishra

I'm going to photograph every single person to enter and leave this tattoo parlour. Finbar rolled his eyes. And they'll hate that, because people who get dragons drawn on their backs are normally so shy about other people noticing them.

~ Derek Landy

They were even talking about buying a bodyguard, can you believe it? I mean, what on earth would I look like, turning up with a bodyguard? Actually, I'd look pretty cool and mysterious, wouldn't I? That might have been quite a good idea.

~ Sophie Kinsella

Did we really come all that way? She asked. Time flies when you're scared out of your mind. He answered.

~ Nights Raven

If you worry about missing the boat, remember the Titanic!

~ Sid Bolon

I don't use big words to show off because it's ostentatious.

~ Don Roff

When you paint late at night, drinking beer or wine or both, you gotta be very careful to watch what you are doing...

~ Hiroko Sakai

yes, i have dated Salvador Dali guy when i was a high school girl. he was a great lover. but i had to dump him because he stole my inspiration of bent clock*~* .... who cares...

~ Hiroko Sakai

It is safer to beg than to take, but it is finer to take than to beg.

~ Oscar Wilde

Well, with that filly in my line of vision blushing like a virgin, something in me was bound to stand at attention. And my walking legs were occupied.

~ A.g. Starling

[Lizzie Bennington to a reporter who has asked for her opinion about Jack Archer's celebrated thighs.] “When you come back from a set down and bring the match to a final set tiebreak and are a point away from winning the match, only to have what looks like an extremely fit player call a time out because of a cramp and then watch that player sit back and casually converse and laugh while you do your best to keep your mental focus and your body moving so you don’t grow cold and cramp yourself, I hardly think you’d concern yourself with his burgeoning manhood, let alone his thighs!

~ A.g. Starling

No matter how dire a situation may be, I can always find the humor in it somewhere. If I was ever in a horror movie I would be the goofy one who doesn't seem to know quite what's going on but survives to the end with witty one-liners.

~ A.j. Rose

By doing ordinary actions efficiently you will become the best among ordinary, but you will not be an extraordinary.

~ Amit Kalantri

Once there was an elephant,Who tried to use the telephant-No! no! I mean an elephoneHe tried to use the telephone-(Dear me! I am not certain quiteThat even now I've got it right.)Howe'er it was, he got his trunkEntangled in the telephunk;The more he tried to get it free, The louder buzzed the telephee-(I fear I'd better drop the songOf elephop and telephong!)

~ Laura Elizabeth Richards

Spanish—how shall I say this?—is likePortuguese spoken with a speech impediment.

~ Sol Luckman

For what religion has never had sects? Rest assured, Extremism is always the derrière.

~ Criss Jami

Have you ever noticed how good things go to those who hate?

~ Sol Luckman

You will have relatively less problems to solve, if you don't confuse problems with inconveniences.

~ Amit Kalantri

I decided to do the easy task of changing situations and conditions by being a hero, than staying back to do the difficult task of changing people by being just a man.

~ Amit Kalantri

Memories make you sentimental, experiences make you smart.

~ Amit Kalantri

I agree that sometimes it is difficult to choose between right and wrong, but not between right and stupid.

~ Amit Kalantri

Remember, crowd doesn't care about common sense.

~ Amit Kalantri

Majority wins, but majority is not necessarily right and sometimes majority is awfully wrong.

~ Amit Kalantri

Growing age can kill the beauty, not the style.

~ Amit Kalantri

All women may not be beautiful but every woman can look beautiful.

~ Amit Kalantri

Don't let out your true behaviour in the public, even if you were born nasty, make others feel you were well bred.

~ Michael Bassey Johnson

I love Pizza thicker, when the crust is thinner!

~ Jasleen Kaur Gumber

Are you really a doctor?” I asked.“Some people say that.”“Why?”“Because I went to medical school.”“Did you not finish?” I asked hesitantly.“I finished.”“So…?”“So sometimes I work as a doctor.”“So doesn’t that make you a doctor?”“I guess, but I also worked as a baker, construction worker, and a bunch of other things. Either way I just prefer being known as Jack. I mean Dr. Baker Jack Hammer Jack, would be entertaining, but I think also a little weird.

~ Michael Brent Jones

Pride only helps us to be generous; it never makes us so, any more than vanity makes us witty.

~ George Eliot