Sarcasm Quotes

Women do not lie about their age. In fact, no woman ever has, its just that memory is the first thing to go.

~ David C. Holley

How Gloomy it is, to pause, to cease and to rust unburn, to get used and be indistinct. Like to live is to breathe.

~ Abhijit Tripathi

It's kind of depressing, if you think about it. I mean, me being so young, and yet so cynical and suspicious.

~ Meg Cabot

Yeah, because you'll really be showing them, won't you. Talk about cutting up your wrists to spite your fate.

~ Alexander Gordon Smith

The more this guy talked, the more he sounded like a fortune cookie.

~ Kelly Creagh

I couldn’t very well make a special delivery to the door of the constabulary now could I? And he’d have made the perfect scapegoat. That aura of misery he wraps himself in. So Byronesque. He’s too immersed in his own guilt to ever suspect it in another.

~ Ella J. Fraser

I understand your problem. I'd like to help you out, which way did you come in?

~ Arlene Betters

Please, be sure to display your stickers, so that I won’t misplace any of you. I lost a few people, while crossing the street, during the last tour. I didn’t think it was a big deal, but apparently, the boss frowns upon that sort of thing.

~ Jason Medina

Word of advice - never ask a terrorist the question 'What would you do for a Klondike bar?'.

~ David C. Holley

Remember, people who peek through keyholes have to expect an occasional poke in the eye.

~ Gary K. Wolf

Coming into your powers can be a very confusing time. Perhaps there is a book on the subject. If you like, we can go see Marian.Yeah, right. Choices and Changes. A Modern Girl's Guide to Casting. My Mom Wants to Kill Me: A Self-Help Book For Teens.

~ Kami Garcia

You're about as delicate as an AK-47.

~ Jill Hathaway

The sun came out the next day, which it had no right to do.

~ Maggie Hall

Miss Green can call a turd a rose if she wants, but that don't mean people's going to be lining up to smell it.

~ K. Martin Beckner

All right, we need a way to get inot the palace. Any ideas?Ask nicely? Charge in? Fly? Wait, do you mean reasonable ones?

~ Noelle Crawford

Sometimes we know people who aretoo wonderful for words. I am not one of them.Or you, for that matter, as you well know.

~ Michael Hogan

How many kids are in the Graveyard?A bunch.Who sends your supplies?George Washington. Or is it Abraham Lincoln? I forget.How often do you receive new arrivals?About as often as you beat your wife.

~ Neal Shusterman

When you succumb to cynicism, darkness, pessimism and sarcasm you are amplifying imbalance and negativity.

~ Bryant Mcgill

Now, Mr. Antonio. I understand that there are people who are close to you who want me dead.”“No, mija. They don’t want you dead.”“Then explain this.” I handed him the picture.He chuckled again.“No, they don’t want you dead. That would be too easy. They want revenge.”Cold sweat broke out all over me, but I kept my face calm. I looked at him straight in the eye.“Well, then they are going to be quite disappointed, aren’t they?” I flashed my teeth at him.“Senorita, you might want to warn Senor Smith, you see, my nephew he doesn’t like to share, and if he sees another man after you, he’ll get very, eh, aggressive.” The silver fox looked at me and winked.“Oh, he won’t have to worry.” I said as I was walking out the door. “I doubt he will be alive long enough to know Agent Smith.”Then I slammed the door.

~ Rumi Antoinette

As if I'd had time to drug it in the two milliseconds she'd let me out of her sight.

~ Nenia Campbell

Oh. I get it now. God had Nader beat my ass and my mom leave my dad just so Jodi could learn how to chop onions and use a propane grill. Great. Awesome.

~ A.s. King

You can give me detention. Oh, wait, that's right...you aren't the boss of me. So I guess you can just bite me. -Dean

~ Jeff Mariotte

Niko was a man of few words and flying, sugary snacks. I like that in a human. ~Catcher

~ Rob Thurman

If Jack had followed him instead of trying to reclaim his car, he would undoubtedly have voiced his disappointment that they were not yet shooting laser cannons. Frankly, Richard thought dodging the police’s bullets would be problematic enough.

~ Alexander Ferrick

If I want to fuck a guy, I want to fuck a guy.

~ S.e. Jakes

Are you a house-wife, Mrs Silvers?' he asked. 'What would you recommend for getting burger relish out of a white shirt?'The seething woman cranked the venom-level of her gaze up to eleven, and Raven smiled pleasantly back.

~ A. Ashley Straker

We are the generation of Social Media, Our biggest Revolution is a Tweet of 141 Characters.

~ Sandra Chami Kassis

She'd asked him what it was like to be in there, doing nothing but then being woken up to speak to somebody you couldn't see. He'd said that it was like being woken from a deep and satisfying sleep, to be asked questions while you kept your eyes closed. He was quite happy. Sight was over-rated anyway.

~ Iain M. Banks

Sarcasm is a manifestation of anger, and anger can make you the puppet of your opponents.

~ Wayne Gerard Trotman

Too bad. Game over. Insert new fucking quarter.

~ Nenia Campbell

If only a stare can kill, I'm already a murderer.

~ Mary Ann Venancio

Sometimes when I have the feeling like I’m almost crying, it can turn into an almost-laughing feeling.

~ R.j. Palacio

Son, my dad said, every man needs a bitter, resentful woman in his life. Because there's nothing more touching to a mother's heart than to know that her son thinks of her constantly.

~ David C. Holley

It was Nathaniel's boundless capacity for stating the obvious that made him so charmingly human.

~ Jonathan Stroud

What’s that around your neck?” asked Emily. “It’s a golden star.” Said Reed.“What did you get it for?”“Chemistry class.”“What’s the star for?” the shadow asked, Usually stars represent a straight A student. “You get it for having greatness. But Emily doesn’t know what that is.” He said, answering the shadows question and looking at Emily. “Greatness, what’s greatness?” Emily asked, all wide eyed, and clueless looking“It’s when you do really awesome stuff, and people recognize you for it.”“Oh, no” Emily laughed .”No, I don’t know what that is.

~ Rumi Antoinette

I'm fully aware that some of the stuff I write is going to offend people or p*ss them off. They should be fully aware that I don't really care.

~ Briana Blair

Sarcasm is when you tell someone the truth by lying on purpose.

~ Chuck Klosterman

Don't be ridiculous. Brussels sprouts are awful. Jail is just jail.

~ Mora Early

Being skilled in Catsism is like being a ninja only deadlier and not so silent. The only bad thing is the sickening grammar you have to use.

~ Will Advise

But the people only talked about how ugly her face looked. No one even bothered to mention what a sweet, kindhearted girl she was. Now, don’t be amazed! That is just the nature of humans, to notice the one flaw among a person’s ten good qualities.

~ Janaki Sooriyarachchi