Funny Quotes Quotes

At this moment, I know that the answer has to be yes. I am defeated. By my own father. How Darth Vader.

~ Denis Markell

My mother-in-law belongs in Hell, but the devil is afraid she’ll end up taking over.

~ Matshona Dhliwayo

Yer a wizard, Harry!

~ J.k. Rowling

Most of you Mistborn are probably too proud to crawl. I'm surprised you were willing to do so your

~ Brandon Sanderson

being funny is actually all about thinking what if ? in a creative way.

~ Shashankbisht

Don't ask for a girl's hand in marriage and forget to ask for her leg too.

~ Matshona Dhliwayo

If you want to say, Lucia, there is no inside of the park benches, I won’t argue with you. But, then you have to say where the pigeons come from.

~ Jesse Ball

If God had a wife He would be in just as much trouble as any man.

~ Matshona Dhliwayo

put my hand in front of her finger, thinking, 'She’s a magician; it might be loaded.

~ Garon Whited

Life and death played out before my very eyes. You don't see these things if you clean your room regularly.

~ Joan Bauer

[I] put my hand in front of her finger, thinking, 'She’s a magician; it might be loaded.

~ Garon Whited

Well, let’s just hope it doesn’t come to that.” I started back down the alley. “Truthfully, it’s not you I’m so much worried about as your ass. It’s like the Eighth Wonder of the World or something. Be a shame to deprive future generations of Dreamers, don’t you think?” My stomach rumbled. “Come on, I’m starving.” A snort escaped him. “Nice to know you care.” I patted my belly and shrugged. “Yeah, well. A girl’s gotta have priorities.

~ Allison Pang

Please follow these instructions:1. Stack the pages of this letter neatly. 2. Roll the pages up into a cylinder. 3. Smack yourself over the head with it. 4. Repeat. You complete ass.

~ Leah Thomas

Most people are scumbags. Accept it. Let go. Chill out, douchebags.

~ Fakeer Ishavardas

Boyfriend?”Her cheeks heated. “Yes.”“Funny name.”“What?” She frowned. “Ernest is a perfectly nice name.”“Oh, I thought I heard you call him Ermine.

~ Nalini Singh

Jay bent over the table, and the muscles in his arm stood proud as he drew the cue back. In one swift motion, he sent it cracking into the white, the other balls soon spinning across the green felt.“Your turn,” he handed her the cue, eyes glinting wickedly. “Need me to look after your end? Of the pool cue, I mean.” “I'm quite capable of looking after my own end, thanks,” Kayla replied archly, and quickly ran the chalk over her cue. “I know the importance of taking care of the tip.

~ Libby Cole

Hey, religious nuts! Please do not grow up. Just go up!

~ Fakeer Ishavardas

Children throw tantrums because they've imagined their 'father in heaven' does so. And because, their inherited religious book has, in written, shown them so.

~ Fakeer Ishavardas

Monkeying around with other apes, a monkey was made - called, HUMAN. God is great!

~ Fakeer Ishavardas

Hell freezing over? I don't know. But the devil's definitely wearing a sweater.

~ J.r. Moehringer

Whenever I wish to pay my respect to you, my middle finger says, it must first.

~ Fakeer Ishavardas

I wish you well - if you will die. May you rest in peace.

~ Fakeer Ishavardas

I never knew, apes talk. Apparently, you do.

~ Fakeer Ishavardas

If I were married, I would be unmarried.

~ Fakeer Ishavardas

Some people are born to fandom, others have fandom thrust upon them.

~ Nenia Campbell

Climate change is like my head: it’s not visible in every instance, but I’m pretty darn sure it’s there.

~ Kevin Focke

I like cats. They don't care if you love Jesus.

~ Miss Merikan

Then you're seventy-five, friends are dead, and you've replaced at least one major organ: you have to pee four times a night, and you can't go up a flight a stairs without being little winded -- and your're told you're in pretty good shape for your age. [....], in a decade you'll be eighty-five, and the only difference between you and a raisin will be that while you're both wrinkled and without a prostate, the raisin never had a prostate to begin with.

~ John Scalzi

Someone asked me yesterday if Dracula met Saruman and there was a fight, who would win. I just looked at this man. What an idiotic thing to say. I mean, really, it was half-witted. -- Christopher Lee

~ B. Lloyd Reese

I enlarge the photo again. Nope, too blurry

~ Marie Lu

I said,’What’s your problem?’ Asshole.” There was a question behind his question, and that shadow question was ‘Do you want to dance?

~ Adrian Barnes

All right, I'll wait another two thousand years to make jokes about my evilness.

~ Tui T. Sutherland

Ugly truths are the biggest source of indigestion in humans.

~ Raheel Farooq

That you exist, is offense enough to arrest you.

~ Fakeer Ishavardas

I'm fascinated by idiots... Here's looking at you, kid!

~ Fakeer Ishavardas

In theory, especially in the case of Stone, those who have human hearts would remain cognizant of their behavior and in control of themselves. Those who are Katagaria . . .

~ Sherrilyn Kenyon

Even-money that my liver lasts through my wife's metamorphosis to my mother-in-law.

~ Tim Heaton

Without setbacks there'd be no comebacks, and everyone loves a come.

~ Kyle Johnson

Life at times is a bunch of crap, the nice part about crap is that it's biodegradable.

~ Kyle Johnson

Graduating from the School of Hard Knocks doesn't always get you to Fort Knox.

~ Edward Harris