Humorous Quotes Quotes

Of all the things in the world, I'm particularly amazed at, is the conviction with which the MIND, endorses an Idea, which is phenomenal, as it differentiates the Genius from Mediocre, or not to forget the human stupidity in particular!

~ Ramana Pemmaraju

Big people never scare me. I am a little man. I can easily hide.

~ Ljupka Cvetanova

I watched you undress. Shame on you!

~ Ljupka Cvetanova

While the man is putting on it's shoes, the woman can buy dozens of high heels.

~ Ljupka Cvetanova

I will take all my rights! Can you deliver them to my house?

~ Ljupka Cvetanova

He has his head in the clouds. He must live in a skyscraper.

~ Ljupka Cvetanova

His boat sank. They were all on his side.

~ Ljupka Cvetanova

I've learned my lesson. I know nothing.

~ Ljupka Cvetanova

In his life there was only one woman. The other one.

~ Ljupka Cvetanova

They were all on his side. Hi boat sank.

~ Ljupka Cvetanova

God shows us the path, the Devil shows us the possibilities.

~ Ljupka Cvetanova

Some people stride toward a better future. Others have chauffeurs.

~ Ljupka Cvetanova

Searching through Monster.com while on the clock feels like being on Tinder while still married.

~ Crystal Woods

I mean, I can understand not being as pricey as Percy or Jason, maybe... but am I worth, like, two Franks, or three Franks?

~ Rick Riordan

Only the great warriors fall down from their horses, one would not fall who rides a donkey cart.

~ Waheed Ibne Musa

. She was beautiful, and her temperament seemed much better than his first wife did. Arman stopped in the middle of the Windsor knot on his tie. Who was he trying to kid, he thought. An enraged rabid pit bull in heat would have had a better temperament then his first wife.

~ Grace Willows

Sex with a married woman ten years his senior was stress free and fulfilling, because it couldn't lead to anything

~ Haruki Murakami

In my experience, the romance novels written about BDSM have about as much in common with actual BDSM relationships as a child playing with a jump rope.

~ Nenia Campbell

I ran outta tears of sadness when I was 20 & all I got left is tears of joy.

~ Genereux Philip

If history repeats itself, I am so getting a dinosaur!

~ Anonymous

I refuse to lie to children. I refuse to cater to the bullshit of innocence.

~ Maurice Sendak

I'm a writer. I write checks. Mostly fiction.

~ Wendy Liebman

Probably your biggest mistake was doing funk-dance to Unchained Melody,” the dog offered earnestly. “It’s a ballad, Alf, and to be honest, it’s one of the slowest songs I can think of. You’d have been better off doing a slow waltz to something with that tempo. The other factor may have been the large amount of beer you consumed beforehand.

~ Mark Jackman

If you call yourself an authoress on your Facebook profile, you suck at life. You are stupid and your children are ugly. It doesn't matter if you're just trying to be cute and original. You're not. You are about as original as all those other witless twits writing the one millionth shitty Fifty Shades clone. Or maybe you're trying to show your 2000 fake Facebook friends that you are an empowered feminist who will not stand for sexist terminology. But you're not showing people that you are fighting the good fight, you're showing people that you are a sheep, who's trying just a little too hard to ride the current wave of idiotic political correctness. The word author is no more gender-discrimination than the word person. Do you call yourself a personess? No, of course not, because then you might as well wear a sign around your neck that says, Hello, I'm a retard.

~ Oliver Markus

I’ve got more faith in my shotgun than any man, that’s for sure.

~ Kerrelyn Sparks

This moment is spectacular!

~ Lailah Gifty Akita

All humans learn from each other's mistakes. Intelligent humans learn how to avoid them, idiots how to do them.

~ Raheel Farooq

The most overpowering will is the will to not work.

~ Saleem Sharma

You’re going to be trouble, aren’t you?”“Not if you give me everything I want.”“We’ll see.

~ Zoe Forward

I’m sure she didn’t mean what she said. Life’s too short to hold grudges.” “No, you just have to organize your time better,” Elaine said. “I believe in grudges. They help you survive.

~ M.j. Mandrake

Be brave to share your story! Each of our stories, have a golden treasure for a specific need.

~ Lailah Gifty Akita

A good friend will bail you out of jail. A true friend will be sitting next to you saying, 'damn, we fucked up'.

~ Rotten Ecards

I'm friends with a guy who is friends with a former Playboy model. So I guess you could say I'm 1 degree away from 212 degrees.

~ Ryan Lilly

Of course, thousands of years of traditional masculinity weren't going away without a fight. They lingered in the vestigial memories of men, occasionally challenging a decision to read the directions or wear argyle, hoping for a day when a hurtling piece of space rock will send the world back to a time before the advent of styling gels.

~ Matt K. Turner

When men cry, real men, we cry Man Tears. Those are tears made up of actual meat. We basically cry pork chops and steaks. Imagine a steak tearing its way out of your eye. It hurts like hell, which causes more tears. It's a vicious cycle

~ Larry Gent

... a man doesn't like to have his ego popped, especially when he prides himself on his sagacity, and then to be proved wrong by a man who claims he doesn't know anything.

~ E.a. Bucchianeri

In all of the possible scenarios Kian had envisioned, encountering a lunatic had not been one of them. It just showed him that he could never be completely prepared.

~ D.a. Rhine

Oh, y'know, magic stuff is full of weird vibrations! said Dane. Makes your palm sweat, gives you that pins and needles sensation when you hold it! Maybe something running up your arm. He paused. Something that isn't a spider or a bug. Something running up your arm that's an invisible sensation. But not an invisible spider. Like an invisible feeling that's pins and needly. Maybe more needles than pins.Are you sure that's not a heart attack? said Jaya.

~ Dennis Liggio

Prestidigitation? You've got to be joking. No one says that.

~ Les Lynam

Prepare for a radio, for nothing is silent like the grave

~ Bangambiki Habyarimana