Irony Quotes

I'm not scared of death, I just don't want to seek it out.

~ Thomas James Higgins

The over-weight and out of shape guy who owned the house had apparently decided that having a half-million dollar house meant that he couldn’t afford to hire someone to clean out his gutters. Now he was dead with what looked to me like a broken neck after the ladder had slipped. He’d taken the plunge into his fancy landscaping—complete with rock garden. But hey, his fucking gutters were clean.

~ Diana Rowland

Depend upon it, sir, when a man knows he is to be hanged in a fortnight, it concentrates his mind wonderfully.

~ Samuel Johnson

I paid, got up, walkedto the door, openedit.I heard the mansay, that guy'snuts.out on the street Iwalked northfeelingcuriouslyhonored.

~ Charles Bukowski

In the center lay the exploded carcass of a lonely sperm whale that hadn't lived long enough to be disappointed with its lot.

~ Douglas Adams

I'm a survivor, I said. But I didn't think that claim would carry much weight in an obituary.

~ Tobias Wolff

If time is money and you wasted my time, then give me back my money!

~ Ljupka Cvetanova

Famine sometimes increases the number of people who are overweight.

~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

In the beginning there was the Word. Then we broke it.

~ Ljupka Cvetanova

Repeat a lie a thousand times and it become a successful political campaign.

~ Ljupka Cvetanova

They would sweep their poverty under the carpet if only they had one.

~ Ljupka Cvetanova

True friends chop the onions and cry together.

~ Ljupka Cvetanova

Women strive to be the change they want to see in the mirror.

~ Ljupka Cvetanova

I improvise therefore I exist!

~ Ljupka Cvetanova

Poor people! They build tunnels to reach the light.

~ Ljupka Cvetanova

If you don't understand it, it's art.

~ Ljupka Cvetanova

Keep trying?I'd rather keep walking. I mean, whisky is whisky

~ Ljupka Cvetanova

What does your birth date say about you? You are old!

~ Ljupka Cvetanova

Relate comic things in pompous fashion. Irregularity, in other words the unexpected, the surprising, the astonishing, are essential to and characteristic of beauty. Two fundamental literary qualities: supernaturalism and irony. The blend of the grotesque and the tragic are attractive to the mind, as is discord to blasé ears. Imagine a canvas for a lyrical, magical farce, for a pantomime, and translate it into a serious novel. Drown the whole thing in an abnormal, dreamy atmosphere, in the atmosphere of great days … the region of pure poetry.

~ Charles Baudelaire

sometimes when everything seems atits worstwhen all conspiresand gnawsand the hours, days, weeksyearsseem wasted – stretched there upon my bedin the darklooking upward at the ceilingi get what many will consider anobnoxious thought:it’s still nice to beBukowski.

~ Charles Bukowski

I am waiting for the war to be fought which will make the world safe for anarchy

~ Lawrence Ferlinghetti

Faith is a luxury for those who are able to ignore what the rest of us must see every day. Pessimism, distrust, and irony are the holy trinity of my religion, irony in particular.

~ Brando Skyhorse

That was the last cruel irony of Tobias’s life: that he doomed the woman he would have died to save.

~ Cassandra Clare

People tell you to believe in yourself for your whole life, then call you arrogant when you begin taking their advice.

~ Curtis Tyrone Jones

I have a headache. If only I had a crown to put on!

~ Ljupka Cvetanova

Actually—and this was where I began to feel seriously uncomfortable—some such divine claim underlay not just 'the occupation' but the whole idea of a separate state for Jews in Palestine. Take away the divine warrant for the Holy Land and where were you, and what were you? Just another land-thief like the Turks or the British, except that in this case you wanted the land without the people. And the original Zionist slogan—'a land without a people for a people without a land'—disclosed its own negation when I saw the densely populated Arab towns dwelling sullenly under Jewish tutelage. You want irony? How about Jews becoming colonizers at just the moment when other Europeans had given up on the idea?

~ Christopher Hitchens

It strikes me often while I am in Iran that were Christian evangelicals to take a tour of Iran today, they might find it the model for an ideal society they seek in America. Replace Allah with God, Mohammad with Jesus, keep the same public and private notions of chastity, sin, salvation, and God's will, and a Christian Republic is born.

~ Hooman Majd

She was heartily ashamed of her ignorance - a misplaced shame. Where people wish to attach, they should always be ignorant. To come with a well−informed mind is to come with an inability of administering to the vanity of others, which a sensible person would always wish to avoid. A woman especially, if she have the misfortune of knowing anything, should conceal it as well as she can.

~ Jane Austen

If Socrates was alive today he would say : I know that I know everything. That's what contemporary philosophers do.

~ Ljupka Cvetanova

Many people know they're working, but not what they're working.

~ Ljupka Cvetanova

Some women walk towards a better future. Others have chauffeurs.

~ Ljupka Cvetanova

Suddenly the thought that the end of her life was imminent shocked him; it was one thing to pity someone he didn't know, quite another to face the same dilemma with someone he knew intimately. That was the trouble with beds. They turned strangers into intimates more quickly than ten years of polite teas in parlours.

~ Colleen Mccullough

Luke is the sort of boy Taylor Swift could get at least three songs out of.

~ Beth Garrod

We will all be destroyed whether we like it or not. I say let's like it.

~ Dbc Pierre

Thank you for sending me a copy of your book. I'll waste no time reading it.

~ Moses Hadas

There are few things more mysterious than endings. I mean, for example, when did the Greek gods end, exactly? Was there a day when Zeus waved magisterially down from Olympus and Aphrodite and her lover Ares, and her crippled husband Hephaestus ) I always felt sorry for him), and all the rest got rolled up like a worn-out carpet?

~ Salley Vickers

And it's really very difficult to kill someone when all your inner instincts would oblige you to take off your hat first!

~ Susan Kay

What do you take me for? That fool Socrates, who upheld the law at the cost of his own death – just to be ironic? I suspect that act was actually the result of his secret embarrassment of his hideous nose.

~ Benson Bruno

People who didn't need people needed people around to know that they were the kind of people who didn't need people.

~ Terry Pratchett

You know, you're rather amusingly wrong.

~ Terry Pratchett