Funny Quotes

People are often wary of reading or watching anything in the horror genre because in their minds, it's just senseless gore, death and violence. Well, I can tell you from avid experience, that's not what horror is about. The horror genre teaches us that sometimes really bad things happen to really good people, but that hope always prevails in even the darkest of situations. That's a very important lesson, no matter how frightening you think the teacher is, and to be in the top of her class, all you need to do is to go in with an open mind.

~ Rebecca Mcnutt

Even those who want to go to heaven would rather kill than be killed.

~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Christians sometimes make themselves into elephants afraid of mice. You have the Creator of the universe on your side; not to mention, you've been given eternal life. 'Whom or what shall you fear?' To be afraid of anything other than God himself is like an insult to God.

~ Criss Jami

We love being mentally strong, but we hate situations that allow us to put our mental strength to good use.

~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

I don't imagine book elitists as my audience when writing. I dream about teachers, morticians and garbage men instead.

~ Justin Alcala

To evade arrogance, remind yourself (from time to time) that your talent or success could have been better. To be thankful, remind yourself (every now and then) that your illness or failure could have been worse.

~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

The middle class were invented to give the poor hope; the poor, to make the rich feel special; the rich, to humble the middle class.

~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Like alcohol and poverty, a heartbreak has the power to make a man do something he wouldn’t normally do and to make a woman do someone she wouldn’t normally do.

~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Pull something out and show me.” I said thoughtlessly. Isaac started snickering, Ethan joined in. Asher was holding back a laugh, his cheeks turning pink. I thought about what I said and started laughing. There are just some things you can’t say in a room full of guys.

~ B.l. Brunnemer

Um, thanks,” Jackson told her. “And your name is…?”“I’m Margaret, Margaret Van Der Graaf,” she answered with another eerie smile. Her teeth were so white that they looked bleached.“Van Der Graaf?” Jackson repeated, trying to stifle his laughter. He didn’t want to be rude to the only person in sight, to this kind-hearted stranger who was offering to help him, but… Van Der Graaf?“What are you laughing at?” Margaret asked with curiosity, flashing him a calculating gaze. “I like my name. If you’re going to be a jerk, then I won’t help you. You can stay out here on the street through the night for all I care.”“…Harsh,” said Jackson, giving her a quizzical glance back. There was something ‘off’ about her, something that Jackson couldn’t quite place, something that bordered on horrible loneliness and longing. “Who else lives here, Margaret Van Der Graaf?” He couldn’t resist saying her name aloud. Despite its hilarity, it had a nice ring to it. “Who else lives here?” he urged.“Me, myself and I,” said Margaret simply, snickering when she saw his horrified and annoyed expression

~ Rebecca Mcnutt

Zane sighed. Jovan and Mother were just the same. “Maybe later” meant no.

~ C.j. Milbrandt

Getting married means you've won, and I hate thinking like that, I do, but let's be honest, that's just how it is. Until you're married, you're a loser, NO MATTER HOW GREAT YOU ARE AT EVERYTHING ELSE. In our super progressive, equal right, modern society, it's the one thing no one wants to say but everyone is thinking, however messed-up it is.

~ Lindsey Kelk

But sometimes there's a difference between being needed and being taken advantage of.

~ Lindsey Kelk

It is an undisputed truth of the modern age that there are now only two kinds of people in the world: people who call and people who text.

~ Lindsey Kelk

She says screens are the cigarettes of our age. They're toxic, and we're only going to realize the damage they're doing when it's too late.

~ Sophie Kinsella

You can make fun of yourself and people will laugh at you. If you’re smart, you’ll end up as a comedian. If you’re not, you’ll end up as a clown.

~ Ljupka Cvetanova

It's a Christmas miracle. I had no tree. Now I have a forest.

~ Richelle Mead

Not everything happens for a reason, we claim that it does for a reason: to console ourselves.

~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

If you want to find out if someone is a true bookworm or not, give them a thousand page novel and see what happens.

~ E.a. Bucchianeri

Why should I ignore them? In my own house? Spiteful snobs! I’ve appalling taste, do I? I’m skeletal, am I? Anyone would look skeletal next to them. They are both starting to look like porkers! As soon as I go down, I’m going to mention it. I’m going to particularly point out Isolde’s thunder thighs. I suppose it’s appalling good taste to display them in such tight jeans. I’m going to ask how she even got into those pants without splitting the seams.

~ Sonal Panse

I don’t remember the whole thing, because it was very long, but Atticus recited it for me once, and there was a line that went like this: “Cry ham hock and let slip the hogs of war!” I know you might not agree, but for me that was the best thing Shakespeare ever wrote.You mean, “Cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war” from Julius Caesar?No, I don’t think that’s it. There was ham in there; I’m sure he was talking about ham. They were going to battle hunger.I think you might have been hungry when you heard it, Oberon.

~ Kevin Hearne

I may not hate all of the people all of the time, but I hate all of them some of the time, and I hate some of them all of the time.

~ Kathy Mccullough

I thought the trees down in Lady Zelana’s country were about as big as a tree could get,” he said, “but the ones around here are so tall that they probably tickle the moon’s tummy when she goes by.

~ David Eddings

The average adult hates being treated like a child, unless it suits them.

~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

We would not be ashamed of doing some of the things we do in private, if the number of sane human beings who do them in public were large enough.

~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

We seldom look up to the person, we usually look up to their persona.

~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Unrequited love is a billion times less intolerable than unrequited hate.

~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

There would definitely be way fewer instances of cheating, if the average couple did not have sex only when the woman feels like it.

~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Some men would not still be HIV negative or alive, if they had managed to sleep with some of the women with whom they want or wanted to have sex.

~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Death would not surprise us as often as it does, if we let go of the misbelief that newborns are less mortal than the elderly.

~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

He with the cleanest clothes isn’t necessarily the cleanest.

~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Because he has finally realized that it is it and not him that is loved by the woman he loves, many a man is jealous of his own car, house, wardrobe, or salary.

~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Attending a funeral would leave the average person insane, if they truly believed that sooner or later they are also going to die.

~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

We are sometimes depressed by our failure to convince people who strongly believe that we are that we are definitely not depressed.

~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Every single person is a fool, insane, a failure, or a bad person to at least ten people.

~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

We are sometimes dragged into a pit of unhappiness by someone else’s opinion that we do not look happy.

~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Nothing is as irritating to a shy man as a confident girl.

~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Even the world’s greatest actor cannot fake an erection.

~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Whenever they are condemning weaves or breast implants, some people speak so passionately that their false teeth almost fall out.

~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Marketing is so powerful that it can make even an extremely untalented musician a one-hundred-hits wonder.

~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Funny quote from classy quote