Funny Quotes Quotes

What’s the difference between Yo Mama and a 747?-About 20 pounds.-Yo mama carries more passengers.-Not everyone's been on a 747.

~ Oliver Oliver Reed

Yo Mama's like a library, open to the public.

~ Oliver Oliver Reed

Yo Mama's so fat, her ass has its own congressman!

~ Oliver Oliver Reed

Yo Mama's so fat her butt cheeks have different area codes.

~ Oliver Oliver Reed

Superman once challenged Chuck Norris to a fight, the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside.

~ Oliver Oliver Reed

Wisdom of the Ages: Brian Williams Week Now that NBC is giving him a sixth month leave I wonder if he will be Killing Time-In Saudi Arabia!

~ Matthew Heines

Wisdom of the Ages: Look out Below! Air Asia's catchy new advertising slogan.

~ Matthew Heines

Wisdom of the Ages: Forgiveness Steroids for the Soul.

~ Matthew Heines

Everyone has someone to call on when they're down, let me be that someone when that ones not around.

~ Mark W. Boyer

I never intended to become a zombie huntress; I had only intended to protest prom, high school’s last bastion of patriarchal society.

~ G.g. Silverman

And the challenge in the next round would be determined by the winner of this test. Like, what, the DOM-matrix? ~Tara Reese

~ Lucian Bane

Whenever I'm running an hour late for for work, it always makes me feel better when I can leave an hour early at the end of the day to make up for it.

~ Mark W. Boyer

Moving on was going to require leaving the woods and getting a friend set that didn’t have gray hairs, hip replacements and a few false teeth.

~ Rebecca Brooks

With his blond hair, broad shoulders, and perpetual tan,Bryce looked like a California underwear model. Not that I’d thought about him in his underwear.Much.

~ Chris Cannon

This is what my high school life had become—a horror show of epic, mind-fuck proportions.

~ G.g. Silverman

Vomit and shit, even your own, stink.

~ Sheeja Jose

By doing ordinary actions efficiently you will become the best among ordinary, but you will not be an extraordinary.

~ Amit Kalantri

I’ve seen daggers pierce the chest,Children dying in the road,Crawling things hooked and baited,Rapists bound and then castrated,Villains singed in public square.Yet none these sights did make me cringeLike when my Love cut all her hair.

~ Roman Payne

I love to laugh. Specially at myself. Sometimes I spend hours doing it.

~ Nuno Roque

You will have relatively less problems to solve, if you don't confuse problems with inconveniences.

~ Amit Kalantri

I decided to do the easy task of changing situations and conditions by being a hero, than staying back to do the difficult task of changing people by being just a man.

~ Amit Kalantri

Memories make you sentimental, experiences make you smart.

~ Amit Kalantri

I agree that sometimes it is difficult to choose between right and wrong, but not between right and stupid.

~ Amit Kalantri

Remember, crowd doesn't care about common sense.

~ Amit Kalantri

Majority wins, but majority is not necessarily right and sometimes majority is awfully wrong.

~ Amit Kalantri

Growing age can kill the beauty, not the style.

~ Amit Kalantri

All women may not be beautiful but every woman can look beautiful.

~ Amit Kalantri

Money, Gun and Lie can solve almost all the problems.

~ Amit Kalantri

Humans as a whole are but an unwholesome hole with a sorry ass. In short, a**holes.

~ Fakeer Ishavardas

An atheist is a person who has nobody to blame when he screws up.

~ Fakeer Ishavardas

Wisdom of the Ages: Humility If you don't have it, you're gonna get it.

~ Matthew Heines

Yes! Yes! There's the attitude. Where was that girl during the race? Off getting sushi?

~ Doug Solter

In the morning, people have a plan for that day. Hardworking people think of what they will do during the day, and idle people on what they should do.

~ Eraldo Banovac

Theologians should study in a seminary and before graduating they should make a visit to heaven and hell after which they should submit their thesis and graduate.

~ Bangambiki Habyarimana

I enjoy self-publishing & sending publishers rejection letters. They're like, 'Who is this guy?' And I'm like, 'the end of your industry.

~ Ryan Lilly

i'd rather not look for a job... to let a fine one find me. And that definitely wouldn't define me as a snob!,)

~ Ana Claudia Antunes

My cousins had told me dead people came back as Dracula.Draculas got thirsty at night and drank only blood, leaving themilk and juices in the refrigerator for the house owners. I thoughtDraculas were cool, they had some manners. Still I didn’t like theidea of anyone drinking blood.

~ Sheeja Jose

The last I knew you were going to a party. just a few friends at the McEvoys' you told me. The science club, you told me. What happened? You got into a fight about the theory of relativity? Did creationists crash the party and start a rumble?

~ Tami Hoag

You can tell if a person is organized by checking his desktop.

~ Ali Alja'bari

Kelsier rapped lightly on the door, and Dockson strolled over, pulling it open.And he makes his stunning entry! Kelsier announced, sweeping into the room, throwing back his mistcloak.Dockson snorted, shutting the doors. You're truly a wonder to behold, Kell. Particularly the soot stains on your knees.

~ Brandon Sanderson